My Imaginary Friend "Company"

As I a child, I had an imaginary friend. Her name was "Company." I remember Company coming around when I was alone. She brought friends with her. Looking back, I see even as a young child I didn't like being alone. So much so my imaginary friend though only a single person had a name which would normally imply a larger group.

To this day, I don't like being alone. My biggest battle is loneliness. I never wanted to live a single life. But here I am, faced with the reality of what I never wanted. Not even my friend, Company, visits me anymore. And I have to ask myself, "What now?"

Honestly, my first response was not to seek God. Rather my first response has been to seek my own solution. Sarah when faced with God's promise of a child for Abraham and the reality of her own old, barren body, took matters in her own hands and made sure Abraham fathered a child with Hagar. Like Sarah, I wanted to hurry along the process. God obviously needed a little help. And I wanted to leave no room for doubt.

As a child, I could create my own "company." As an adult, I now know, I cannot. And this experiment is a way to remind me that God alone provides all I need better than anyone else real or imagined. And His plan is the best plan, no matter how clever or ingenious I might be. The child Ishmail has caused strife from the day he was born. I have wreaked enough havoc in my own life and the lives of other innocent souls.

So I embrace Frank's resolution not to prove a point or make myself holier. Rather I embrace this resolution to bring God closer to me each day as a means of survival and as an act of faith. If God is with me, then I am never alone. And if I trust God with my present, He will take care of my future too. And maybe, just maybe that will include the desire of my heart, but if not, I know He will always be enough.